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So, Nkiru Sylvanus has opened up on her relationship with Oge Okoye’s ex-husband, Stanley Duru. See excerpts from her recent interview with LIB:
What’s your reaction to the report making the rounds that you are getting married?
What’s your reaction to the report making the rounds that you are getting married?
Now ok, first I’ve been married on the internet for more than three times! They first got me married in 2008, then they got me married again in 2011 and now, they are getting me married again in 2014/2015. I’m beginning to ask, why do they like to get me married? If I were married in 2008 and again married in 2011, why again should I be getting married again in 2015? That means they were all lies. It’s all rumours. Some people will report this stuff like they know you, when they only see you on TV.
It’s just like Governor Okorocha whom many are saying all sorts of false reports against lately. Some of this people have not been to Imo state in the last six years, but out of hatred, they’ll go on social media to post rubbish. Right now, I’m not married. I could be thinking about marriage very soon, if the right man comes calling. If I’m satisfied within my soul that this is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Because I’ve worked so hard as a young lady that right now, I don’t want just any man but a man that will be there for me. A lot is being said about me, and I know. There was one time a friend sent me a link where they wrote that Nkiru is desperate to get married and that was why she said she can be a second wife. I just laughed and smiled because of how ignorant a lot of people can be.
But really, most people find it weird that you could utter such a statement and they are in fact angry with you, hope you know that?
Let me tell you something, people who are very close to me will tell you that I’m a realist. I speak my mind. Unfortunately, we are in a society where people will see black and pretend about it by calling it white just because of what others will say. I speak my mind. I talk about what people know,but pretend like they don’t know. If our society has to change like we’ve been clamouring for, then we must be ready to be truthful and realistic. In the real sense of it, who isn’t a second wife or second husband? The truth is that every young man or woman out there who isn’t a virgin, has been married before. What is marriage? Marriage is not just when a man pays a bride price. Marriage is when you both know yourself; when you sleep with each other and cleave together. That is marriage! Unfortunately, that is what everybody is now taking lightly. If you pay a woman’s bride price, put her in your house and just look at her, then both of you are not married. Physically and spiritually, both of you are not married. Now, in Nigeria a lot of young women prefer to be a side-chic to a married man and you know he has a wife, then you are the second wife whether you like it or not because this man does to you everything he does to his wife at home. Also in Nigeria, so many married men have as much as 20 side-chics and keep them at different locations then they come out to tell you they can never marry a second wife. If it is declare today all over the world that every woman you have slept it must leave under the same roof with you, many men would have as much as 400 wives while many women will have close to 2000 men as husbands. And when one talks about the fact that it is better to be a second wife people go wild! What’s more honorable for you as a woman? That you are a side-chic to a man who doesn’t show you respect and treat you like a dog or that he legally marries you as a second wife and accord you the respect he accords the woman he calls his wife at home, which is better? The interesting thing here is that many of these married women know that their husbands have side-chics, but they’ll say that it’s fine as long as he doesn’t pay her bride price. Imagine that? Again, I put it to you as a woman that which is more honourable, that a man pays your bride price and put you under a roof or makes you a side chic and toss you around like a piece of rubbish? So it’s all about the condition surrounding it.
Let me tell you something, people who are very close to me will tell you that I’m a realist. I speak my mind. Unfortunately, we are in a society where people will see black and pretend about it by calling it white just because of what others will say. I speak my mind. I talk about what people know,but pretend like they don’t know. If our society has to change like we’ve been clamouring for, then we must be ready to be truthful and realistic. In the real sense of it, who isn’t a second wife or second husband? The truth is that every young man or woman out there who isn’t a virgin, has been married before. What is marriage? Marriage is not just when a man pays a bride price. Marriage is when you both know yourself; when you sleep with each other and cleave together. That is marriage! Unfortunately, that is what everybody is now taking lightly. If you pay a woman’s bride price, put her in your house and just look at her, then both of you are not married. Physically and spiritually, both of you are not married. Now, in Nigeria a lot of young women prefer to be a side-chic to a married man and you know he has a wife, then you are the second wife whether you like it or not because this man does to you everything he does to his wife at home. Also in Nigeria, so many married men have as much as 20 side-chics and keep them at different locations then they come out to tell you they can never marry a second wife. If it is declare today all over the world that every woman you have slept it must leave under the same roof with you, many men would have as much as 400 wives while many women will have close to 2000 men as husbands. And when one talks about the fact that it is better to be a second wife people go wild! What’s more honorable for you as a woman? That you are a side-chic to a man who doesn’t show you respect and treat you like a dog or that he legally marries you as a second wife and accord you the respect he accords the woman he calls his wife at home, which is better? The interesting thing here is that many of these married women know that their husbands have side-chics, but they’ll say that it’s fine as long as he doesn’t pay her bride price. Imagine that? Again, I put it to you as a woman that which is more honourable, that a man pays your bride price and put you under a roof or makes you a side chic and toss you around like a piece of rubbish? So it’s all about the condition surrounding it.
What do you mean, ‘condition’?
For instance, their are circumstances that can warrant a woman being a second wife. What works for me maybe different from what works for the other woman. So like I said earlier in my Channels TV interview, if the situation is right, then I can become a second wife. Not like I’ll just see any happy couple and I’ll go join them. It’s either you’re marrying a man who has been married before and divorced or you are marrying a man who has been married before but the wife is dead. So if you are getting married through such circumstance, then you are a second wife. So that is what I mean by the condition. The condition that puts you into being a second wife is what I’ve been talking about. If a man was married and lost his wife and he is coming to marry me, then I’m not his first wife. I’m the second wife because the man has been married before. So that was why I said if the situation and condition is right, I can give being a second wife a thought. It’s good for people to stop reading or listening to things from the surface before they start criticising. Remove the log in your own eyes before removing that of others. I know some ladies who will go on TV and say they can never be a second wife, God forbid yet they have a married man they are dating and who is footing their bills.
Let’s talk about Stanley Duru, that name has been the subject of controversy around you lately, who is he to you?
I don’t like talking about a man because I am a lady. And it should be the man talking about me. A man should find me so precious enough to take out his time to talk about who I am to him. If a man would not be proud to talk about me, then he doesn’t worth having me. So for me to spend my time analysing a man, come on, that’s not possible. I’m too precious for that. So I don’t want to talk about him and who he is. If he so wish to talk about me, fine.
Is it true that you’ve known each other for a long time?
Yes I know him. Very well!
How and when?
That’s still talking about him. I don’t want to talk about a man.
Ok, since you know Stanley Duru, when last did you see him?
It’s been a long time. I last saw him about two years ago.
But they said you have already done an introduction secretly?
It’s all rumours from idle people. It’s all lies. For me, my private life is my personal affairs. So whatever decision I take tomorrow, it’s totally my responsibility. If it turns sour, I face it alone and if it turns sweet I face it. It’s my life. I do what makes me happy. Why would I even do a secret introduction, why?
So what will be your reaction if Stanley Duru comes out to attest to all the reports making the rounds that truly he is in love with you and wants to marry you this year?
It’s ok! It’s entirely his opinion and he is entitled to it. It’s no big deal. I’ve had a man take out pages in a newspaper before to talk about his feelings for me, so it’s not new.
Oh really?
Yes, I no be anyhow pikin o. For a man to have me in his life, he is blessed. I know what I’m talking about. So it’s a free world.
So you saying that there is no secret traditional wedding?
Like I said, I’m still young. I have years ahead of me and I’m not ugly so why do I want to make secret something as beautiful as a marriage? Why shouldn’t I be proud to show the world, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Think about it. If I’m having an introduction, it should be something I’m proud of. If I’m having a wedding it should be something I’m proud of. You know, take pictures with my man and let the world see it. That’s what marriage should be like. So the man too should be able to do likewise. So when the time comes, everybody will see it. I’m still young because I started quite early, there are many ladies way older than me and are still in their parents houses,eating their parents food.
But where do you think the rumour is coming from, those who are giving the media this information seem to be so sure and claim to know everything about you?
Right now, there are no plans. As I’m talking to you I’ve not made any plan for marriage. There are no planning committee or anything like that as it’s being rumoured. It’s all rumour.
What’s your relationship with Oge Okoye, most people are also reporting that she is crying that you wanted to snatch her husband?
I don’t think she will say that. Maybe she’ll answer that question when you ask her. Oge is my colleague.
But it is being reported that both of you have an history as best of friends?
Oge and I were never ‘best of friends’, we are just colleagues. She is not my best friend. we are both into movies, working in the same industry.
When last did you see her?
I last saw Oge like 7-8 years ago.
But let me ask you, if you were dating someone a long time ago and it happens that he left you to marry another woman, years later he is coming back to marry you, would you accept him?
Why not? If I find him worthy and still attractive I can marry him. No one is above mistakes. In life people make mistakes and regret. What is meant to be will be. It’s our ability to realise our mistakes and forgive too that makes use humans. So why not? I’ll accept him if I still find him worthy.
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